The Man From The Video Shop Vs The Brainiacs (Real and Fake)

Over the last few weeks I’ve spent a bit of time telling you about my work, and the people and occurrences that I happen to meet and encounter. For the most part it’s been a pleasant experience, and it’s definitely been good to get some things off of my chest, but one area of the job that I’ve not covered hit me full force this week, the know-it-all customer.

Know-It-Alls come in two main forms:

1) The Genuine (GKA)

and

2) The Liar (BULL)

Genuine Know-It-Alls are frustrating, but at least they are correct about what they are currently droning on about. Last week I had a GKA going on and on and on and on and on and on and on about the films of Brett Ratner, which was both tedious and dull, but everything he was saying was correct. I know this, because unlike some shop staff out there, I actually know about what I sell. I think it’s vital to the success of any store to have product knowledge, and preferable to have staff whom have a passion for that product. With films, TV box sets and Games on offer in my place of work I am clearly working in the right place. I think it’s sad that minimum wage jobs seem to attract nothing but minimum effort employees in many cases, if I was the Minister for Employment I’d immediately put everyone on contract that stipulates that great work gets great pay, and shoddy work is rewarded with nothing but a few beans and some belly button fluff. Flush out the rubbish and get the high streets full of shops staffed by friendly, knowledgeable staff.

/Rant over

So, he was going on and on about stuff I already knew, but I let him run on, as he seemed to be happy and he wasn’t insulting me or the customers, so I carried on with the tasks at hand while he regaled me with tales of the Rush Hour films. He left, and as if the Universe had a plan for me a BULL customer came in.

BULL customers are the worst.

Worse than angry, complaining customers by a long stretch – as these customers often have cause to be angry – the BULL customers could be regarded as GKA-types by non-knowledgeable staff, but I know my stuff, as I’ve previously stated, and so when someone comes in and says something like: “I played that Alice: Madness Returns, finished it in three hours!” I know for a FACT that he is a BULL customer, and everything said after that point will be treated as a bare-faced lie. This customer then proceeded to slate The Darkness II and tell me that Sony are making a new PlayStation 3 that will have a 2TB hard drive and the ability to stream games (like that OnLive service). When I asked where he found this particular piece of salient information I was told, “My mate runs Sony in the UK.”

Well excuse me if I don’t believe your bull-s**t there you prat, how about you buy your single bar of chocolate and take your faulty and fake opinions and get out of my shop.

Similarly I had another customer who told me that the 3DS was responsible for blinding children, world-wide.

WORLD-WIDE!

It seems that there may be room for a third type of Know-It-All:

1.5) The Know-It-All That Knows-It-All By Reading Tabloid Newspapers (The Daily Mail-It-All)

What a complete tosser.

I told him I had used one since launch and was told that “It’s no wonder you wear glasses then!”

What a COMPLETE, UTTER TOSSER!

Moving on he told me that The Human Centipede 2 was based on true events (excuse me while I laugh in your FACE), and that the BBFC was paid to release it by the families of one of the victims.

He was adamant that this was true.

I tried to tell him otherwise, but sometimes you are trying to run uphill with these people. I realised the futility of my efforts when he told me that the PS Vita gives you Testicular Cancer if you hold it too close to your groin area.

Brilliant!

WHAT A COMPLETE, UTTER, F***ING TOSSER!

I was glad that he picked up Apollo 18, I’m sure he’ll be very happy with it, as I told him it was a sequel to Apollo 13, but using the real footage.

He deserves every minute of that travesty of a film.

Sadly I fear I may have created a monster, he’s clearly not that picky about ‘fact’, no doubt he’ll be down the pub tonight telling his friends about this documentary he saw.

So, as the sun sets on this, my last post on the Monday Movie Show, I leave you with this thought. If you love films and games as much as I do, and happen to frequent a store near you, try asking the guy/gal behind the counter what they think, ask them what they like and ask them what they’ve played in the past. Do not assume that the worker in front of you is there for the money, you might find that they know exactly what it is that they are talking about, and can point you in the direction of something awesome.

I’ve enjoyed sharing these tales with you, and maybe one day I’ll return, but for now I leave you in the capable hands of Stuart and Andrew.

Enjoy the site, enjoy the films!

The End…?

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About Bouncybhall

Writer, Podcaster, Shenangian Locator.

Posted on March 4, 2012, in Features. Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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